Monday, February 7, 2011

what's a mom to do?

I've mentioned before that my ex and I are not friends..... well I'm even less of friends with his father, in fact I haven't spoken with him in over 6 years. (his choice, not mine)


So... Logan turned 7 about a month ago, he was pretty sad when still 2 weeks after his birthday neither his father nor his grandpa had gotten him a present.  This past weekend was Logan's weekend with this dad... yesterday evening I was surprised with a phone call from my former FIL.   He told me he had a picture to send me and that Logan was so excited and needed to talk to me.  Um, ok.... turns out the FIL decided to give Logan a puppy as a birthday present.  Wow.  Then the FIL gets back on the phone and tells me that it will be another 2 or 3 weeks before the puppy can come home.  I ask where home is, and he answers that it's with me.  Nice.  So I talk to my ex and he says the puppy is coming to my house because he doesn't have room for another dog.  Really? Like my 3 dogs and 2 cats isn't enough for one house hold?


So what am I to do?  Logan got home last night very excited and carrying on about his new puppy, I told him we'd have to talk about it later.  So what do I do?  I'm the lucky one to break my son's heart?  The ex and his father get to make me out to be the bad guy?  Shit I have no clue what to do with this.... advice, please?

7 comments:

JLingle said...

Been there done that. A puppy was the only thing my daughter ever got from her father! He didn't even bother to call and inform me. He just dropped it off in a pop box on my parents doorstep in the middle of the night a month before her birthday. We too already had a dog and as much as it hurt her we had to explain we couldn't keep it. We told her that he never asked us if that was ok and we just couldn't care for another dog and how that wasn't fair to the puppy. We then had to go return it to him. I also notified him that if he ever wanted to give her a gift again like that he needed to discuss it with me prior. I also explained to him that a mature adult would 1. know the correct month of his childs birthday and 2. know better than to give a child who didn't live with him a live aniamal without asking first. The thought was great seeing how he never got her anything or even contacted her but just not practical. I know its hard but you have to do whats best for you and your family even if it makes you the bad guy. I know you are a GREAT mom and it may make you feel like you failed him but just remember he loves you and couldn't ask for a better mommy!!

Pink in a sea of blue said...

That's crazy! I'm mad for you. You haven't spoken to that man in 6 yrs and he decides to give a child a puppy w/o consent of the parent that would care for the animal? Why didn't FIL call before the weekend?? That's wrong. You need to tell grandpa he needs to keep the puppy, but that you have enough animals and cannot take on the responsibility/expenses of another...the hard part is telling your son, but he is old enough that you can explain it in a delicate manner. I hope he understands and isn't too hurt. Shoot tell your son, that grandpa meant well, but should have discussed with you first...Good luck. Sorry you have to deal with poor communicators!

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

I have no advice and no words. It's unfair on so many levels, and not only does your son suffer, but you suffer twice because you have to be the one to either make him suffer or keep yourself in a bad situation.

All I can say is I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in, and whatever you do will be the right thing.

BrownEyed Cowgirls said...

Ow, ow, ow! In this day and age, people still insist on giving living animals without making sure the person who is going to be responsible for taking care of said animal is okay with that?

I'm sorry you feel like you are going to be the bad guy in this situation, but if you do not want to be responsible for the dog, you will have to tell the ex's it cannot live at your house and explain to your kiddo that if dad and grandpa want to keep the dog for him, he can still have it, but you have no more room for animals at your house.

I'm going through a bit of a similar thing at my house. Megan really wants a Blue Heeler puppy. We already had 2 dogs. I do not want another one. I told Meg as soon as she gets out of high school and figures out what she wants to do for college, she can have her own dog. She is not very happy about having to wait. Sorry, but mom is full up with taking care of horses, 2 dogs, 4 cats and the squirrel. Everyone here claims 'their' animals, but I seem to be the only one who feeds them, makes sure they have water, cleans litter boxes and handles everyone's medical care. The last thing I want to do is take on a puppy. Ugghh!!

Adorably Distracted... said...

Wow. That is so hard. I would make your ex tell your son that he can't get it anymore. You are the one that has full responsibility and am there for your child every day and a dog on top of all that is just .... A LOT. But yea... I would make him break his heart because you don't deserve to. OR tell him that he can have a dog at his house if he wants to see his child more...

Shannon said...

Stand up for yourself! Tell your ex and his dad that YOU already have too many animals and can't take it. Tell them that it is their gift, keep it with them. OR, you could just go out and get a really annoying pet... I'm thinking a talking bird... for Logan to keep at Dad's house!! Good luck, mama!

~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said...

I can't really add anything to this discussion that hasn't already been said. I'm sorry you're in this position.